A funny HOA meeting as the world’s microcosim
Examiner.com
By Taylor Lynne Trentwood, Ph.D
04 January 2011

I reluctantly attended our HOA (Home Owner’s Association) meeting and I was rewarded with an amazing experience. It turned into an amazing sample of the current mind set of the planet today. It explained a great deal. Generally, HOA discussions are about as relevant as the color of the new carpet for the deck or whether or not a vending machine might be installed in the common areas. However, this meeting was different. It was fascinating. Read on. You will not be sorry, I promise you.

Sitting near the open club-house door on a mild evening, I was, as usual, only semi- conscious of the boring discussion in process. You are fined for not attending so I had decided it was fair pay for an hour's effort while free to imagine myself to be just about anywhere else on the planet. However, this meeting was amazing. It was unforgettable. It was revelatory.

After a short time into the event, I began to notice a slight odor. Then the circle of dutiful “homeowners” who live in somewhat small apartments now legalized as condos, pick up the noxious smell. Subtle, visual, investigation soon revealed that a large dog had left its calling card (with offensive odor accompanying) in a the messy pile in the corner of the room.

There’s big trouble in condo city!! Now—now, the meeting leaps to life. No one is semi conscious anymore. Everyone becomes fully present.

Suddenly awake, everyone makes a fastidious fuss and angry face and a dramatic frown. The circle of stackable chairs, filled with twenty or so good citizens , tightens into a psychological unity of offended sensibilities. How could this happen-HERE?

They discussed in great detail, with heated energies, the dog “poop” in the corner. I was very interested in this psychological process so I decided, for the very first time in these meetings, to pay careful attention. I mentally projected what they were going to do about this pressing matter. I was wrong, entirely wrong. Here is what happened.

Well, at first, they talked about the mess, they discussed what should be done about it, someone suggested a new by-law be added to the HOA regulations. Many nodded vigorously. They fussed about local issues with dog poop in the general neighborhood. They talked about the City council and what they ought to do about neighborhood dogs owners who do not clean up. The City really “ought to “order far greater fines about dog poop”. One man pontificated with pompous and righteousness indignation about how no one cared anymore about such vital matters. It was, after all, a health issue. Meanwhile the dog “poop” in the immediate and nearby corner grew more noxious.

Some ambitious and brave soul then called for an immediate vote! It was some muddled and vague proposition about dog poop and interior common rooms. Some one else then suggested that they outlaw all dogs in the entire building due to this current outrage. This just “will not do” said another lady who reminded us, once more, of the exorbitant cost that she had just paid for her condo.

Another resident then added that the dogs could, possibly even might, jump into our indoor, heated swimming pool and that that issue also needed to be added to the discussion and proposed vote. The pool was, after all, in the same clubhouse as the steaming and now very offending pile. He said this needed to be added to HOA issues as an emergency health issue. We can not, after all, have dogs swimming around in our pool! This justified another round of mummers of support for those expressing their fervent concern. The smell grew worse.

One pale and soft-voiced, blonde, younger woman said she was very, very allergic to dogs and she would not have any truck with dogs in her heated, year-round, indoor pool. She could fall ill! They all continued to glance over at the dog pile and wrinkle their noises. Many commiserated with her allergies.

The indignant but foggy-minded man again called for a vote-I am still not certain on that which they were going to vote. Another called for a further discussion before we voted, as he “loved “ his dog. Another gentleman, beefy and red faced, strongly pointed out that HIS DOG had never been in the club house at any time. An older, firm-jawed woman said that if they passed a new bylaw that no dogs could live in the building that she would file a lawsuit and move away. Her dog was very well behaved. No one commented on her threat. Everyone began to study the design of the carpet in front of them.

The pile in the corner had now elevated to panicked fears of a lien on the property due to an impending legal matter. Health codes were mentioned. This was growing into a more and more serious matter by the minute. You could not have dragged me away from that scene for anything. Best meeting ever!

At the end of the dutiful and required hour-long meeting, the condo president called for a close to the session. All of the residents then quickly tramped out the door. They were buzzing with indignation and fury and uncertainly. No vote, no motion, no decision. Nothing.

I glanced over at the far corner—the pile of poop was still there.

No one had thought to actually just clean it up. It was the most interesting meeting that I have ever attended. It allowed me to both learn about and to understand far more about our current culture than a post-doctoral course in a top ten University.

I, personally, have not seen anything quite like it before and I have served for many years as a group therapist in the psychiatric departments of in-patient hospitals. It was something not to be missed.

Because this experience was so striking, I do have to, once again, assure you that it is fact and not fiction. I do not believe I could have possibly fictionalized such a scene. I don’t think even Dave Barry, that master writer and humorist, could have made this one up—and he is the best.

Now, you may wonder, why I myself did not whisk away the offending pile? A fair question. Neat, sanitized, re-cycled and opaque little doggy bags were in a dispenser right outside the door in the clubhouse garden-just a few feet away.

There are two reasons that I remained the stealthy, participant-observer, well two reasons in the very least:

1.)	I was sitting by the door so not subject to the overwhelming odor that so aroused the ire of the other residents and
2.)	the writer/behavioral scientist in me was far too engaged and utterly mesmerized by the bizarre, social process to have ever put an end to it.

Cosmetic neurology, this column, is entirely about maximizing brain/body function. One measure of that high level of function is the power "to think rationally, percieve accurately and to deal EFFECTIVELY with the environment" We tend to forget in the discussion of all the supplements, vitamins, oxygen aids and neuro-science that very often we just need to get back to those basics.

That hour -long group dynamic of an HOA session was a social experiment worth more than a million- dollar research grant could have bought. It is worthy of reporting in the annals of science.

It was also a lot of fun to watch.


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